When You Can’t Sleep

I’ve always been a night owl. As far back as I can remember, I have always stayed up incredibly late. When I was younger, I stayed up late just because my parents told me to go to bed. I was stubborn and didn’t want to listen to them. haha As I’ve grown older, the middle of the night has been “my” time. I can be alone and just let my mind wander without any distractions. I discovered years ago that I feel more creative in the middle of the night. I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired and any ridiculous idea that pops into my mind seems entertaining, or if I can just let my mind wander more freely without the distractions, and I actually come up with some good ideas. Either way, I feel more creative.

I’m going to completely contradict myself right now, but I’ve noticed for several years now that the things that seem so complicated while they’re happening seem so simple when I think about them in the middle of the night, yet late at night is when I tend to over-think a lot of things. Nothing good ever comes from over-thinking. When I over-think, the one thought that sticks in my mind tends to be the worst case scenario, regardless of the topic I’m thinking about. But, let’s focus on the simplicity.

It’s not a secret that life can be complicated. We all struggle to make sense of things at times. When you’re in the middle of a situation, finding the best approach for handling that situation can be difficult. When you look back later, the answer can seem so simple. A lot of times, I wished I could go back and do things over in the middle of the night. I probably would have handled them much better if I had that option.

More nights than I could ever count, I have spent hours lying in bed just staring at the ceiling or the walls with my mind racing. Nights when I have managed to fall asleep quickly, I have woken up hours later with an idea running through my head that has kept me from falling back asleep. Most people get annoyed when this happens to them, but I have learned to embrace it and use it to my advantage. Most (maybe all) of my favorite posts that I’ve written since I started blogging have been written in the middle of the night. Those posts are the ones that I have noticed haven’t had many views, but hopefully the people who did read them enjoyed them and got something out of them.

When I was in school, (this is a terrible habit and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone) I used to purposely wait and write important papers in the middle of the night the night before they were due. I stayed up all night long finishing them, but they always turned out well. It seemed to be a good combination for me… I felt more creative late at night, and I have always seemed to work well under pressure. I guess I just focus better when a deadline is approaching and I no longer have the luxury of procrastinating. haha

Right now, I have a lot of things in my life that need to get figured out as soon as possible. The old saying “When it rains, it pours” pretty much tells the story of my life, whether it’s good things or bad things. They all tend to come up at the same time. With the new year approaching and all of the potential that it brings, I am well aware that I have a lot of opportunities available to me right now. I just need to figure out the best way to approach them. As much as I am a big believer in things falling to place when they’re supposed to happen, I need to make my life happen right now. I used to wish for things to happen while keeping them bottled up inside of me and just hoped someone would eventually read my mind. I’m no longer shy about saying what I want in life. I just need to find the best way to make things happen. I now know who I really am. I know what I want. I know what makes me happy, and I also know what would make me even happier. I just have to go about all of it the right way to make it all work out.

Professionally, I already know what my goals are for the coming months and year. This year has been a major learning process for me. It hasn’t been a total failure, but it hasn’t been as successful as I had hoped either. I have learned a lot and know how I need to improve moving forward. Can I do it? Absolutely. Will things work out as well as planned? I have a feeling I’ll find out in the near future.

Personally, I have learned to love myself. I have realized what true happiness feels like, and I know where to find it. You (hopefully) never stop growing as a person. Every day is a new opportunity to improve yourself. How have you improved yourself this year? What could/should you have done better? Are you actually willing to make the changes necessary to get your life to where you want it to be? I ask myself these questions frequently.

I feel like I have more quality friendships right now than I’ve ever had at any point in my life. I no longer worry about quantity, it’s all about quality. I am who I am and I’m happy with myself. Quality friends will be happy for me and will stick with me on this crazy journey through life. Others will not understand why I am the way I am, and those people will fade from my life. It happens, and it’s best for us to go our separate ways. Some people that I thought for sure would always be a major part of my life have faded away. Others have surprised me and made me wish I had gotten to know them better sooner than I have. You eventually find out who your true friends are. It’s a relief when you start to figure out who those people are. You can start to focus on the right people in your life.

I always figured I would be married and have a family by the time I got to this age. Well, that was a nice thought. haha Life doesn’t go as planned very often. Spending so much time alone over the past couple of years and learning more about myself has helped me to realize what kind of person would be a good fit in my life. I know what I want in a relationship. I know what kind of person I want to date. If I’m lucky enough, that person might be the person I’ll end up spending my life with. I mentioned this in a previous post, but sometimes you have to make changes before you can realize that what you’ve been searching for was already right in front of you. Looking at things from a different perspective makes a big difference. I know what I am looking for in a significant other, but have I actually found her yet? Maybe. We’ll see. I hope so, and I want to find out. Does she know? I’m not sure. Is she reading this right now? Maybe. Is she now wondering if I’m talking about her? haha It’s possible. We’ll see what happens moving forward. Hopefully I won’t end up spending my whole life single, but I’ve always said I’d rather be happy and single than dating someone or married and miserable. I’m a patient person, I don’t mind taking my time to find the right person.

Anyway, I know this is a bunch of randomness. I have been wide awake all night and my mind has been racing, so I just figured I would ramble a bit and share my random thoughts with anyone who might care to read them. I will likely end up writing quite a bit this next week, but we’ll see. The closer we get to the end of the year, the more thoughts always seem to run through my head. Hopefully I can put them together in a way that people actually want to read. If you’re interested, check back for more soon!! 😀

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